15: Top Fifty Best: SpongeBob SquarePants Cartoons (w/The Numbers + Dishonorable Mentions)

Ah, hell with it.

I'm sick today. And on my computer, of course. Why not do a top fifty SpongeBob SquarePants cartoons? Happy Friday, April 24th, everyone. I'm ready.

50) "Krab Borg" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "It was rated argh!"
49) "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "It's not my wallet."
48) "Can You Spare a Dime?" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "Like brothers, but closer."
47) "The Inmates of Summer" (Season 4 episode)
Unparticular highlight: The Together song.
46) "SpongeGuard on Duty" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "...get hit by a flying ice cream truck. And live!"
45) "Squilliam Returns" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "Please, I have three kids!"
44) "Boating School" (Season 1 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "I'm cheating, Mrs. Puff!"
43) "Skill Crane" (Season 4 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "I guess I can only pick up toys."
42) "Pest of the West" (Season 5 special)
Unparticular highlight: "I ain't yer pa."
41) "The Fry Cook Games" (Season 2 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "My name's...not...Rick!"
40) "To Save a Squirrel" (Season 4 episode)
Unparticular highlight: The majestically appearing food battle.
39) "Krusty Krab Training Video" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "Hooplah!"
38) "Welcome to the Chum Bucket" (Season 2 episode)
Unparticular highlight: The "This Grill is Not a Home" song.
37) "Big Pink Loser" (Season 2 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "No, this is Patrick."
36) "SpongeBob Meets the Strangler" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: The entire key/window/eyes scene.
35) "Life of Crime" (Season 2 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "Yah, buns and thighs."
34) "Sandy's Rocket" (Season 1 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "Twins."
33) "Squidtastic Voyage" (Season 4 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "What's a re-ee-ed?"
32) "The Algae's Always Greener" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "I don't understand. Is there a gas leak in here?"
31) "Mrs. Puff, You're Fired" (Season 4 episode)
Unparticular highlight: The bonbon scene.
30) "Sailor Mouth" (Season 2 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "Not if you're a sailor."
29) "It's a SpongeBob Christmas!" (Season 8 special)
Unparticular highlight: "Don't be a jeerrk! It's Christmas!"
28) "The Snowball Effect" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: Squidward's slowly growing enjoyment of the snow.
27) "Valentine's Day" (Season 1 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "Attention everybody, there's a chubby pink starfish on the loose!"
26) "Nasty Patty" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "We killed him!"
25) "No Weenies Allowed" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: The entire opening scene.
24) "Wet Painters" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "Two giant paint bubbles!"
23) "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy" (Season 1 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "You may kiss the bride!"
22) "Krusty Love" (Season 2 episode)
Unparticular highlight: Mr. Krab's illegable attempts to ask Mrs. Puff on a date.
21) "Frankendoodle" (Season 2 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "Finland!"
20) "Plankton's Army" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: The Sheldon scene.
19) "Krusty Towers" (Season 4 episode)
Unparticular highlight: The many designs of Squidward's room scene.
18) "Graveyard Shift" (Season 2 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "The sash-wringing, the flash-singing--" OR "Nosferatu!"
17) "Roller Cowards" (Season 5 episode)
Unparticular highlight: The ice cream scene.
16) "Survival of the Idiots" (Season 2 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "Who're you calling pinhead?"
15) "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: Everyone laughing at the end.
14) "Christmas Who?" (Season 2 special)
Unparticular highlight: Squidward pretends to be Santa for SpongeBob.
13) "That's No Lady" (Season 4 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "Dude, your girlfriend is not ugly."
12) "Shanghaied" (Season 2 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "Awoooooooo!" "Aaaaaaaaaa!" "Leedle-leedle-leedle-lee!"
11) "Pickles" (Season 1 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "And there's my car keys!"
10) "Dunces and Dragons" (Season 4 special)
Unparticular highlight: The "The King is Bad" song.
09) "Wormy" (Season 2 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "No, that's Italian, SpongeBob."
08) "Jellyfishing" (Season 1 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "Firmly grasp it!"
07) "F.U.N." (Season 1 episode)
Unparticular highlight: The song. Everyone loves the song.
06) "The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water" (Theatrical film)
Unparticular highlight: The time travel scenes.
05) "Have You Seen This Snail?" (Season 4 special)
Unparticular highlight: The "Gary Come Home" song.
04) "The Camping Episode" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "I don't know, I guess he just doesn't like you!"
03) "Chocolate with Nuts" (Season 3 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate. I always hated it!" OR "Chocolate!"
02) "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie" (Theatrical film)
Unparticular highlight: SpongeBob and Patrick face off against Dennis on the Hasselhoff.
01) "Band Geeks" (Season 2 episode)
Unparticular highlight: "Sweeet, sweeet victory...."

And, now, because I have seven hours left alone (whoop), why not Spongeboard into The Numbers? Let's rank all present seasons, sailors.

The Numbers:
01) How did Season One do?
Episodes present: Seven
Total decency (out of 1276): +203
02) How did Season Two do?
Episodes present: Thirteen
Total decency (out of 1276): +369
03) How did Season Three do?
Episodes present: Sixteen
Total decency (out of 1276): +327
04) How did Season Four do?
Episodes present: Nine
Total decency (out of 1276): +218
05) How did Season Five do?
Episodes present: Two
Total decency (out of 1276): +43
06) How did Season Six do?
Episodes present: Zero
Total decency (out of 1276): +0
07) How did Season Seven do?
Episodes present: Zero
Total decency (out of 1276): +0
08) How did Season Eight do?
Episodes present: One
Total decency (out of 1276): +22
09) How did Season Nine do?
Episodes present: Zero
Total decency (out of 1276): +0
10) How did the movies do?
Movies present: Two
Total decency (out of 1276): +94

203 + 07 = 210
369 + 13 = 382
327 + 16 = 343
218 + 09 = 227
043 + 02 = 045
000 + 00 = 000
000 + 00 = 000
022 + 01 = 023
000 + 00 = 000
094 + 02 = 096

Therefore, in terms of the combined total points, the show ratings provided by the numbers are:
1) Season Two
2) Season Three
3) Season Four
4) Season One
5) The movies
6) Season Four
7) Season Eight
8) Seasons Six, Seven, and Nine

And, yeah. Pretty much. I may recieve some mental flak for ranking Season Four over Season One, but keep in mind, I'm the kind of fan who feels the show began to deteriorate somewhere around Season Five. And, while, true, there were more bad episodes in Four than One, overall, I like the good episodes there more.

Now, for the bottom of the barrel.

Top 10 Dishonorable Mentions:
01) "I'm with Stupid" (Season Two)
02) "All That Glitters" (Season Four)
03) "Atlantis SquarePantis" (Season Five)
04) "Gone" (Season Six)
05) "Pet or Pests" (Season Six)
06) "A Pal for Gary" (Season Seven)
07) "Yours, Mine and Mine" (Season Seven)
08) "One Coarse Meal" (Season Seven)
09) "Demolition Doofus" (Season Eight)
10) "Little Yellow Book" (Season Nine)

WHOO.
There we are. Another top fifty for all who're now forcibly part of the club by reading thi--Dimensionals. I hope you enjoyed reading, and I hope you liked it well enough that now, you're hooked. Ha. Naught but Krabby Patties for y'all.

See you soon.

Expect that Chuck top ten soon enough, and possibly some Marvel content due to...you know what.

14: Top Ten Most: Anticipated X-Files Episodes & Movies

Over a month and a half later, I return!

Hello again, blog-readers! I know it's been over a month since I've last posted, but I've been really busy (watching Netflix), and haven't had much time to do much (other than watching Netflix). But, in celebration of my return, I'm diving into something involving one of the most famous and influential American television series of all time, with Bones, Fringe, and more under its wing, The X-Files!

Yes, The X-Files. The legendary show that not only popularized the concept of Monster-of-the-Week but also introduced the world to the familiar names of Mulder & Scully, both of whom I have a massive crush on. I have only recently begun watching the show on Netflix's streaming service (now available for $6 or something a month -- start now and get one free 30 day trial wink), admittedly at a very slow pace due thanks to my rarely available family and all the other shows we're watching (like Marvel's Daredevil -- exclusively available on Netflix's streaming service -- now available for $9 or something a month), but, so far, I love it!

And, of course, that means a new top-ten for all you individuals clicking the Next Blog button at the top of the screen. Except, this one's about hype. See, I've been reading up on the show to feel that gap in my heart when my folks would rather watch the next episode of The Amazing Race then catch up on the next powerful monster set to take over the minds of poor human beings (Netflix streaming service -- now available for $12 or something a month), and now I know a lot more about these oncoming X-Files than maybe I should, but, hey, it makes for a great list, right?

That's right, believers, we have ourselves, from Beyond the Sea, a truly f***ing amazing episode, onwards, my top ten most anticipated X-Files!

Note: Some of these I know more about than others. The hype's origin may range from reading the episode description, a gist of what the episode's like, a story's placement on a top episodes list, or maybe a combination of some.

10) "Musings of a Cigarette-Smoking Man"
Season: 4
Writer: Glen Morgan
Why the hype: The Cigarette-Smoking Man is an iconic character we/I have barely seen in the show so far. I'm looking forward to learning more about him.

09) "Tooms"
Season: 1
Writer: Glen Morgan & James Wong
Why the hype: "Squeeze" has easily been one of my favorite episodes of the show thus far, and seeing him return in an episode supposedly as good as that sounds awesome.

08) "Arcadia"
Season: 6
Writer: Daniel Arkin
Why the hype: All I needed to get the hype ship flying was to hear "Mulder and Scully pose as a married couple in a surburban neighborhood." YEESS

07) "X-Cops"
Season: 7
Writer: Vince Gilligan
Why the hype: Reality television series are always wonderful to make fun of, and this one supposedly featuring COPS following Mulder & Scully on a case sounds hilarious.

06) "Bad Blood"
Season: 5
Writer: Vince Gilligan
Why the hype: Speaking of hilarious, this is supposed to be the funniest episode of the show. And we all know how I love to laugh, right? Plus, vampires.

05) "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose"
Season: 3
Writer: Glen Morgan & James Wong
Why the hype: This one has topped almost every top ten list I've read. I'm intrigued to see how it all turns out.

04) The X-Files: I Want to Believe
Season: N/A (feature film)
Writer: Chris Carter
Why the hype: The hate seems to be real for this movie, and the only discernable reason I've found so far is that it doesn't continue the mythology. Seriously? Monster-of-the-week episodes seem to be the series' strong suit, so one with a Hollywood budget sounds pretty sweet to me.

03) "Jose Chung's From Outer Space"
Season: 3
Writer: Darin Morgan
Why the hype: Also fairly hyped up from those classic ol' top ten lists, the fact that this one seems to be a fairly comedic one too rises it just that bit higher than "Final Repose." And you can't beat a name like that one.

02) "Home"
Season: 4
Writer: Glen Morgan & James Wong
Why the hype: Apparently one of the scariest televised episodes ever televised. All I know so far is creepy-ass farmer family. Totally excited for more. Bring it on, guys. Bring it on.

Top 5 Honorable Mentions:
1) "The Erlenmeyer Flask" (S1)
Screw spoilers. This is the first one with actual aliens in it! Yes please!
2) "Little Green Men" (S2)
Mythology episode written by Glen Morgan & James Wong? Yes please!
3) "Christmas Carol" (S5)
X-Files does Charles Dickens during Christmas? Yes please!
4) "Chinga" (S5)
Stephen King does an episode about my only phobia? Yes please....I guess?
5) "Hollywood A.D." (S7)
An X-Files movie in The X-Files? Yes please!

01) The X-Files (A.K.A. The X-Files: Fight the Future)
Season: N/A (feature film)
Writer: Chris Carter & Frank Spotnitz
Why the hype: Truthfully, my favorite episodes thus far haven't been mythology-centric episodes (though "Fallen Angel" was good), but I hear that some of the mid-seasons' best episodes are ones surrounding the conspiracy. And, like I said before, a Hollywood budget X-Files sounds great. Add to that good reception and the series around its (supposed) height? Will it be as legendary as I'm hoping? I want to believe.

And that's top ten number 14. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it, and I look forward to doing a true top ten episodes once I've finished the show. Anyone with any interest should check it out, I whole-heartedly recommend it! After all, it's on Netflix.

Previous Top Ten: "Top Ten Best: Batman: Arkham Series Challenge Maps"
Coming Soon: "Top Ten Best: Chuck Episodes"

F13: Fortune Cookie Sunday!

"Happy Easter! The chocolate eggs aren't the only thing with a creamy center in your future."
Your lucky numbers: 45 13 67 81 04 21