I realize it's been a while since I last posted, but here I have something far too long but altogether far too useful for those who may be interested. Look, chances are if you're American and older than twenty, who've probably heard of or even seen an episode of the show called The X-Files.
The X-Files is a science-fiction/fantasy television series that ran on the Fox network from 1993-2002, stacking up nine seasons, a spin-off, two feature films (including one that hit cinemas in 2008), and relative stardom for its two leads, David Duchovny's special agent Fox Mulder, and Gillian Anderson's special agent Dana Scully, altogether leading to the show's establishment as an American cult classic, with phrases such as "The truth is out there" now firmly within pop culture.
Do I seem like a master on the subject? Well, I am, but "the truth" is I'm only about two and a half seasons into it. I started watching it a long time ago, but the delays were heavy, and after a couple months I was only halfway through season one. But even while waiting I read about it, and got more excited, and more excited, and more excited until....201 Days of The X-Files was announced.
The show had been confirmed to come back as a Spring 2016 miniseries earlier this year, and to promote its return, the Fox network announced 201 Days of The X-Files, a marathon of every episode leading up until the day before the first new episode. Figuring it was my time to shine, I jumped on the bandwagon and began to watch...except not once a night. The true marathon had begun! So, time passed, and for each month passed I have a full season finished. I'm loving it! And, of course, due to my status in nerddom, I began documenting how I felt on every episode, in case someone else wanted an opinion/guideline/rulebookinwhicheverythingistrue, or if I ever wanted to rewatch the show and know which episodes to skip or look forward to.
And that's what this is! My own personal opinions on every episode of the show from now until its end. If you're looking to only watch the best ones, feel free! I've got you covered, with a ratings system and everything, every episode divided into four categories:
MUST-WATCHS: High points of the show that are required viewing upon watch/rewatch.
REALLY GOOD: Episodes that aren’t perfect, but are far from wastes of time.
WATCHABLE: Stories that aren’t bad, and could pretty/fairly easily be watched again.
EASY SKIPS: You’d only watch these for completion, or if my mini-synopsis interests you.
Each list will be completed with personal top three bests, top three worsts, and my personal favorite writer of the season. Episodes marked with a * are mythology episodes that are required to follow the major storyline aspects of the series. Episodes with a ^ have heavy connections that tie into alternate past/future episodes, and may introduce or end certain plot strands/characters.
If you want to learn about the writers, directors, airdates, or production codes (because geek) of an episode, here's Wikipedia to save your day: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_The_X-Files_episodes
The entirety of the show is midway through airing on Fox, but you can also watch it on iTunes, Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, or a super expensive DVD box set.
One last thing, before we get started, here are the details for my future postings of The X-Files Watcher's Guide:
1). Vol. 1 - Seasons 1-2 now reading
2). Vol. 2 - Seasons 3-4 coming later 2015
3.) Vol. 3 - Seasons 5-6 and Fight the Future coming later 2015
4.) Vol. 4 - Seasons 7-8 coming later 2015
5.) Vol. 5 - Season 9 and I Want to Believe coming 2016
6.) Vol. 6 - 2016 Miniseries coming 2016
Possible Extras:
1). Vol. M1 - Millennium Season 1
2.) Vol. M2 - Millennium Season 2
3.) Vol. M3 - Millennium Season 3
4.) Vol. G1 - The Lone Gunmen Season 1
!!POSSIBLE MINOR SPOILERS MAY ABOUND. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE A TOTAL TIGHTWAD!!
————————————————————————————————————————
SEASON 1:
Must-watch. A very good origin episode that introduces the characters really well, and provides a spooky and fitting start for the following nine seasons.
02) “Deep Throat”*
Really good. Not a ton happens, but what does is very good.
03) “Squeeze”^
Must-watch. The first monster-of-the-week episode is one of The X-Files’ creepiest and best, and really where the show takes off for interested audiences.
04) “Conduit”
Watchable. Some cool set pieces and a fairly interesting storyline make for a good episode but not one of the best. Aliens…? Or…no aliens?
05) “The Jersey Devil”
Easy skip. One of the more action focused early stories, but that’s all it has going for it. Dreary writing and a lame monster do not a good episode make.
06) “Shadows”
Watchable. The best of the four reincarnation stories of the first season, due to its writing by Glen Morgan and James Wong, but its one of their weaker attempts.
07) “Ghost in the Machine”
Watchable. Its very dated and it has a very cliched monster, but elsewhere its a fun story with some scary happenings that make for one of the higher watchables.
08) “Ice”
Must-watch. A very claustrophobic episode with clever writing, good humor, and heart-hammering happenings. I guess you could say it’s one of the series’ coolest.
09) “Space”
Easy skip. Full of weird, random stuff and stock footage, I don’t know a single person who likes this one. It was relaxing for me though, so it’s good if you can’t go to sleep.
10) “Fallen Angel”*
Must-watch. One of my favorite mythology episodes and supremely underrated. I’m unsure of why I love this one so much, but the mysterious aliens are rarely so interesting.
11) “Eve”
Must-watch. Definitely on the better side of the monster-of-the-weeks that’s iconic for good reasons. Fairly creepy and fun nevertheless.
12) “Fire”
Watchable. The villain and the locations are pretty awesome, but Mulder’s mustached girlfriend is decidedly less so.
13) “Beyond the Sea”^
Must-watch. One of my favorite episodes of the entire show that flips the series’ basis on its head. Creepy, funny, sad, what more could you want?
14) “Gender Bender”
Watchable. It may have an anti-climatic ending and some godawful TV-14 sex scenes, but it’s watchable for the most part.
15) “Lazarus”
Easy skip. The worst of the reincarnation episodes, despite it having a decent sounding plot. It’s just so boring, and I have no clue why.
16) “Young at Heart”
Really good. While it may have no connection to the rest of the show, despite it seeming important, it’s got some real cool, creepy aspects to it.
17) “E.B.E.”*
Really good. Classy mythology episode that experts in misdirection. It manages to make what seems uninteresting on paper quite interesting.
18) “Miracle Man”
Easy skip. Boring religious-fanatic who can heal people episode that feels like a waste of time watching it, with a boring mystery and guest characters.
19) “Shapes”
Watchable. Native American werewolf tale that sustains interest through its setting and guest characters, though some stereotypes and lack of mystery drag it down.
20) “Darkness Falls”
Really good. The natural companion to Ice. The characters aren’t the greatest, but the setting, monster, and just complete freakiness make it a good time watching.
21) “Tooms”^
Must-watch. An essential sequel to a great earlier episode that manages to be somehow creepier, funnier, and overall better than its predecessor.
22) “Born Again”
Easy skip. The most boring of the reincarnation episodes, due to its lack of interesting concepts. Everything here you’ve seen before and you’ll see it again.
23) “Roland”
Watchable. The second best of the reincarnation episodes (two in a row!) due to its…unique visuals and good acting. Still not great, though.
24) “The Erlenmeyer Flask”*
Must-watch. An incredible finale with excellent twists, enticing developments, and a brilliant culmination of the first season of The X-Files.
1) “Beyond the Sea”
2) “Tooms”
3) “The Erlenmeyer Flask”
1) “The Jersey Devil”
2) “Lazarus”
3) “Miracle Man”
————————————————————————————————————————
SEASON 2:
Must-watch. An excellent follow-up to the previous season with cool ties to the mythology aspects of the series. Plus, jungle landscape!
02) “The Host”^
Must-watch. Another one of the show’s iconic monsters. This is a quite creepy episode with a disgusting creature in looks and doings.
03) “Blood”
Really good. Interesting story done well. Psychological stories are always fun when there’s something there, and it’s got a very action-packed ending.
04) “Sleepless”^
Really good. Probably on the lesser side of really good, but it introduces a very important character and the story is good enough.
05) “Duane Barry”*
Must-watch. One of the simplest X-Files you’ll ever watch, it’s a great hostage situation story with Mulder and Scully.
06) “Ascension”*
Must-watch. A series of iconic set pieces with a crazy plot behind them. It also gets really damn sad near the end.
07) “3”
Easy skip. Unless you love badly-done vampires, WTF-type romances, and just confusing everything, press skip thrice. There is nothing redeeming.
08) “One Breath”*
Must-watch. One of the most personal episodes of the series, and a wonderful character episode. Not a ton happens, but what does is great.
09) “Firewalker”
Watchable. Unfortunately, you’ve seen this before again, but at least there’s space between this one and it’s previous, and it’s not dreadful.
10) “Red Museum”^
Watchable. The setting is cool and the story is interesting, but there’s also a lot of anti-climactic stuff and shenanigans. It’s not bad, but not great either.
11) “Excelsis Dei”
Watchable. Super creepy retirement home with ghost rapes and speedy old people is half interesting, half stupid. Plus, ghost rape? Really? Not cool.
12) “Aubrey”
Really good. One of the better mysteries of the season with a cool superpower and creepy happenings. Just needs a little more…I don’t know, something.
13) “Irresistible”^
Must-watch. Monsters don’t have to be supernatural to be f*cking creepy is the theme with this one. It’s fantastic, just be wary of some really disturbing stuff.
14) “Die Hand Die Verletz”
Must-watch. Flashes between darkly funny and darkly dark at a flick of the wrist. Mulder and Scully don’t really do much, but other than that, it’s great.
15) “Fresh Bones”
Watchable. Voodoo and unexplained deaths, what’s new? It’s kind of boring, but there’s some substance at it’s heart, and the ending’s good.
16) “Colony”*
Must-watch. Epic mythology story with a ton of weird shit, important developments, and a Terminator-esque bad guy. Yes!
17) “End Game”*
Must-watch. More mythology with even weirder shit, even sadder moments, and even some globetrotting! It feels like a mini-movie.
18) “Fearful Symmetry”
Easy skip. Dear god this one is lame. The mediocre opening was the best part. Hot tip, all the animal-related X-Files suck. Stay away!
19) “Død Kalm”
Watchable. The atmosphere and story are good, but a lame ending, characters, and some spliced boredom through the episode drag it down.
20) “Humbug”
Must-watch. My absolute favorite episode with a ton of great self-satire, a creepy monster, and epicly humorous circus freaks. Wish it was longer.
21) “The Calusari”
Easy skip. Super lame episode starring an annoying kid. The deaths are creepy, but the rest is unoriginal and boring. Next!
22) “F. Emasculata”
Watchable. Starts strong but loses a little luster later on in the episode. Still manages to maintain interest though and is a high watchable.
23) “Soft Light”
Really good. Decent story with an interesting X-File with a cool/eerie beginning and end make for a really good episode.
24) “Our Town”
Really good. Though the plot on paper feels familiar, this nummy X-Files still manages to be both creepy and surprisingly interesting.
25) “Anasazi”*
Must-watch. Fantastic mythology episode that seems like it progresses the plot further than the entire season has.
1) “Humbug”
2) “Anasazi”
3) “One Breath”
1) “Fearful Symmetry”
2) “3”
3) “The Calusari”
————————————————————————————————————————
Phew, and there we have it!
The real definition of "Too Much Reading" isn't it?
I hope all who read this now have interest in or have enjoyed the first two seasons of The X-Files, and look forward to future volumes coming soon!
To believe or not to believe, there are aliens.
Relatively Dimensional
